ephemeralchemex

I think about the gap from where people are in a place that they don’t want to be until they get to a place that they do. And I think of it like a lonely chapter. So everybody that has got from a place where they don’t want to be to one where they are, there’s a point where they’re so different that they can’t resonate with their old set of friends. Right. But they’re not yet sufficiently developed that they’ve created their new set of friends. And there’s this temptation to go back to the old patterns, the old ways of thinking.

And this, I did this live show in London last year, my first big headline show at the Eventim Apollo in London was pretty cool. And this idea, I think, was one that really resonated with a lot of people because everybody’s trying to grow and there is an incentive for you to stay in the same place because not that many people grow. Most people don’t change. They make little changes. You know, they’ll cut their hair or they’ll lose five pounds or, you know, they’ll switch from one company to another. But how many people do you know that have lost 50 pounds or moved to a different country or have genuinely changed the way that they see the world? It’s pretty rare. It’s not that common.

And we are such mimetic creatures. We’re so shaped by the people around us that we can’t help but be tempted. You know, you’re going to have to do something. If you want to go from where you are to where you want to be, you’re going to have to do something that makes you more different, more weird, more easy to be mocked, especially if you come from a country like the UK where I’m from. Being different is not particularly celebrated in that way. It’s the sort of thing that’s quite easily mocked. There’s a big culture of piss taking. And if you start, what are you talking to people on the Internet for? It’s fucking weird. Like, that’s stupid. That’s not going to work. Why are you going to do that?

So if you don’t have that level of enthusiasm, there is no support around you to tell you that the thing that you’re trying to do, taking up the martial art, why are you training this taekwondo bullshit? Like, you know, fucking six nights a week. Why are you coaching all of these mums and all of these like old guys on how to do tai chi or whatever? Why are you doing that? Well, because maybe I’ve sort of pulled to it. And there is this temptation to go back to your old ways of thinking, go back to the road that you already know how it’s going to end. And I get the sense that this is not a bug. It is a feature. It’s a part of moving from a place that you do not want to be to one that you do.

And for the most part, you actually need to live through this lonely chapter. And you look at it and you go, well, the fucking Rocky montage was 3.5 minutes. For me, it’s been five years. Where’s the championship ring? You know what I mean? I haven’t won the fight. Where’s Apollo Creed? None of this stuff’s happened. The thing that I wish more stories talked about, if you watch it in the movies, yeah, sure, there’s ups and downs in the journey of the athlete that’s going to change his life around and get the girl. But his self-belief never wavers, right? He makes the decision and it’s one straight shot, typically. And there’ll be some challenges, but he’ll get there. His self-belief never wavers.

I don’t think that that’s what the experience of doing personal growth is like at all. In my experience, it’s you’re just swimming in uncertainty and fear and a lack of belief that it’s even going to happen. You don’t even have the promise of glory on the other side of it. I don’t even know if this is going to be worth it. And I’m fucking doing Sam Harris’s waking up meditation app and I’m journaling on a morning. I’m going to the gym. Why am I eating meat and fruit? Does this even work? Like, you know, you’re doing all of this stuff, trying, scrabbling like a guy in a fucking well trying to find a handhold. And if you don’t have a good community of people that are also doing that, you’re on your own. Yeah. And this is most people. I think most people’s experience, because if most people don’t change, you are going to be an outlier if you’re somebody who does change.

I think about personal growth kind of like a rocket ship taking off. And as you take off, you’ve got a particular velocity that you’re moving at. And what you want is to find other people moving at the same velocity as you. But the quicker that you move, the fewer people are going to be like you. Right. So some people will be ahead of you and you’re in this lonely chapter and then you catch up to them. And then, oh, no. And this isn’t, you know, some comment on people that work on themselves like morally better or worse than anybody else. But it’s just a stark sort of fact about you. You talk to people and you resonate with people that are at the same level of life as you are. And that kind of makes sense. You have things to discuss. You’re encountering the same sorts of challenges, whether it’s in terms of your self-worth or your wealth or your relationship status, all of these things. Birds of a feather. Right.

And, you know, one of the, I guess, difficult realizations of people who want to change their life is that if you do it well, you might have to gothrough a period where you let go of all of your friends. But the really bad realization is if you do it really well, you might have to do that multiple times throughout your life. you might have to do that multiple times throughout your life. You find a group of people, finally, I’ve landed. After that period where I was on my own and I didn’t really understand, oh, fuck, I’m still going. And I now need, you mean I’ve got to do it again? I’ve got to do it again. I just thought that I’d found my group and I’ve got to do it again.

This loneliness chapter thing is a big deal. And I think that it explains why so few people make big changes because the temptation is always going to be to just go back to what’s normal, go back to what I know. And it’s why America, for all that it’s a horrible cis-hetero patriarchal superstructure that’s misogynistically keeping everybody down, it’s an enthusiastic and sort of excitable country. And you guys have kind of got permanent first-line cocaine energy about everything.

And for me, it seems to be a real infusing environment, encourages me to do things, helps me to take risks. Either that or get kicked in the head a lot. And I just love it. I love the fact that it makes me feel confident in doing difficult things. And yeah, I wish that more people had that community around them.

I think largely Reddit is just a website filled with people who couldn’t find other people to talk about their niche in their hometown. Like this particular Warhammer 40k version or whatever. But yeah, it’s difficult. And when you get to the stage where

maybe you just an asshole! if so , my condolences