ephemeralchemex

After a terrible episode of randomness , you would like to think that the path fixed itself. Well it did not! This is going to be the insurgence…and i’m gonna be there and jump into the fire head first!

I present to you – project detachment, my magnum opus, this is the idea i had in mind when i started this idiosyncratic page filled with rage and drama and confusion .

Some might say i’m a nilhlist, some an opportunist , some an absurdist . Ill tell you what i am! A synthesis between proteins and thoughts. Im a tiny fragment of the this universe. A universe when even after millions of years we are the only truly alive ones on the planet! Which is really weird if you think about it! The most abundant element in the periodic table that we labelled carbon , and yet we are the only ones that made it thought test trails. Even after millions of years we stuck to kill of be killed in all forms of speech. We debate on what’s constructed and what is not! I think , everything is constructed which is such are weird thing to say considering the time i live but it is true cause every is made out of something , does not matter who made it! The one you call god or mere mortals. We started questioning existence of things and now we have a new problem called “an existential crisis“ the gift of life has turned into the biggest question and problem of humans. We build and create the best works of art and science which is really awesome but at the same time really scary. What is ? Why is? Boggles the mind ! We have math and physics and chemistry that tries to explain the origins, meaning and collaboration between things and we still have yotabytes of data left to interpret … OH ! You don’t know what a yotabyte is . We transcribe information in the binary so a computer can store and regurgitate it just like how we do in our exams. ! And that is in the form of bytes and mega bytes and so on ! Yotabyte is the highest we have ever gone. So where was i? SCIENCE yes! We have intellectuals who try to understand and find new things for the rest of the world to dumb it down and consume till we explain , this we call capitalism! Evolution sounds sooooo crazy cause it is… money sounds sooo crazy cause it is… humans sounds sooo crazy cause nevermind! There is nothing special about the human species ! But you are wrong ! Yes im talking to myself! The mind and the body work soo well together that we now are alive! What does that mean? I have no fucking idea! And I LOVE IT ! Why? Cause we know nothing and we are fine with it . How dumb do i sound? Very ! But that is the case with everything ! Let’s go back to a few places, scientists innovate and then we consume ! Im a scientist for all i care! But don’t scientists consume too?? We do! So are we really scientists! Which is really funny! Our differentiation is sooo vague yet it all makes sense!

Death! Sounds soo weird ! it’s been a tough few months . I’m even considering death . I don’t understand where i went wrong. This curiosity that i have to know things to a painstaking degree is endangered ! People around me don’t want to know why! They don’t wanna figure out how the world works, all they want is rubbish survival ! I miss innovation! I miss our conversations at 3am figuring out the universe! It’s been a lonely road for years , i wake up alone , eat alone , discover things alone and i tried! I tried immortalising you as a teddy but my brain is failing , i barely remember how you sound which is troubling. I tried igniting this quest of understanding in a few people around me …i try and teach em every chance i get but i feel like a failure ! I’ve come into this world with questions , i’ve answered none , my pace at absorbing stuff slowed down . I spend most of my days pondering through my thoughts and my night crying about their incompetence and my environment! I’m gonna end it before i lose my curiosity and i really do miss our quest for science ! How long will i go on with this false sense of stability , this cycle of crying and acting like nothing happened isn’t working!maybe i am a failure , So, before i permanently forget how true connections with people felt like , here is my love letter to life

The fact that we humans that are mere collections of fundamental particles of nature have come this far To an understand the laws governing us is a great achievement. What makes everything work is what we are looking for , things that makes the wind makes the waves , the way that the motions of water air and sand . The fact that things have common features And are more universal and my curiosity as to where and what we are. SO REMARKABLE ! We went to the moon cause it was the hardest thing we could do . When we are thinking about something we don’t understand , we have a terrible uncomfortable feeling called confusion . Say you don’t understand is like saying it’s crazy and im not going to accept ! Look up and the stars and not at Your feet , wonder about what makes the universe exist. Enigma had 159 with 18 zeros guesses !there are patterns in everything. Colours in the light ,reflections in the pool , we figured out the fourier system! Who did it? A janitor! Art reflects truth and it’s my truth to dance with uncertainty that gives me hope. We merely explore infinity to find absolutes ! We don’t invent formulas ! They already exist . To the world , it’s just fancy equations and colourful stuff ! But it’s nature , birth by instability and everything in the universe seeks stability. Everything we see is cause of it , we called in uneven energy distribution . We were the first people to figure it out and make a lot of mistakes cause we were pushing to something no one know about to understand it. Democritus ! Brought or not brought together forming complex structures that we call life. You made fun and said it’s the peter principle but i think it’s the unity of science .

We haven’t found life anywhere else yet we believe in infinity , what is the beauty of life ? I don’t know , everything? How is it that we find ourselves not merely existing but around such complexity and elegance , endless variations! We call ourselves intelligent , we have a rocket! That reaches mars! Complex systems cause we are by design not default ! We can think and imagine which is so intimate in itself , millions of years of science ! The human brain , which understands the processes that gave life to it and making models of universe in which we stand on . A gigantic family ! We will die! And it makes us lucky . Most people are never going to die cause we are never going to be born , the potential people who could be in my place and never see the light of day outnumber the grains of sand we have , those unborn mystics could have people greater than newton! We know this cause the possibilities from the dna outnumber the set of actual people . Within these stupidly marvellous odds , it’s you and i that are here ! We privileged few who won the lottery of life against all odds ! HOW DARE WE WHINE ABOUT INEVITABLE DEATH FROM WHICH THE MAJORITY NEVER STIRRED. I need a reflection ! A book sounds funny ! Flexible tangible parts , gateways to another persons mind, working magic that you call a book! Dormant for centuries and can lead to the birth of flowers in the most unprecedented places , if my life from start to finish , i could read a book a week maybe i’d read a few thousand . The chaos is in which books to read.

MC sub teacher is trapped in his trauma, he can’t connect to others that is why the female student draw him with an empty face in an empty classroom and at the end, he was in a deserted classroom. The reason he helps the prostitute and gives some hope to the female student because he doesn’t want them to end up like his mom. That is also why he can shrug off prostitute, female student and the female teacher that kiss him just like that because he can’t connect with them. MC grandpa just regrets about his daughter died and thought he is the one that causes it, that is why MC pretend to be his mom and give his grandpa at ease saying it wasn’t his fault. The principal one is simple if you see the scene about her husband talk about the glass and break it is basically telling her to let go of the job but she just can’t. The nerdy glasses male teacher is pretty straightforward, he is invisible whether in school nor his house. That is why he thanks MC when he notices him grabbing on the fences. Prostitute just want somewhere she belongs and affection. Asian female teacher on the verge of emotional unstable because she tries to help her student yet it was futile. That is why the old man teacher gives her advice and offer her happy pills. Old man teacher basically knows how this place goes, he releases his stress by reading porn mag and happy pills. He tries to help and teach the students but if it doesn’t work he just let it be unlike Asian female teacher that get too personal with it. The suicidal female student just want to run away from expectations and reality. She observed people through her lens and I think her final work basically means everyone is a stranger and doesn’t care about her because she cut off the face or fraction of it.

80 years – 29200 days ,18 – 6570 days ,28-102200 days , 48 – 13870 days ,

what makes a great person of history? Well, let’s start with two “born to ideal parents” eggs –yes, lovely;two cups of “in the right place at the right time” sugar –excellent;three cups of natural talent flour; and, finally,two and a half teaspoons of greatness.Now, where is the greatness?..No…No, no… tsk… Oh!Oh, that’s right, we we don’t have any in at the moment,because it doesn’t fucking exist!

For the longest time I believed that there were two types of people:the knowers, who knew what they were doing with their lives,and then the feckless plebs like me, who were just wandering idiots going from plan to misguided plan.Thirty is now spitting distance away from me, and, you know, the most traumatic part of exiting one’s twenties isn’t the sudden random failure of body parts, nor the blissful crushing hug of student debt,or even losing the ability to party past six in the morning and not die –it is the realization that this model is bollocks, because these people do not exist.Now, clearly, expertise exists –don’t trust a barista to fly your plane, nor a pilot to make your double frothy laxative anxiety juice –but when it comes to wisdom, or working out how to be happy, or big boy and big girl meaning of life stuff,no one has a damn clue what they’re doing – not your heroes, not the smartest among us.When it comes to matters of the soul, it is open season.And this is a wonderful thing, because it means that as far as art or innovation goes, the world is anarchy,and while you may have convinced yourself that there’s no point trying to do anything groundbreaking or novel because someone will do it better –whoever the greats are that you respect, obviously they had the same doubts, and they pushed through it.They were intensely interested in or devoted to something,while simultaneously feeling lost all the time.A long period of confusion isn’t a side effect of trying to do something radically interesting –it’s the price of admission.We forget that Van Gogh was 27 before he even bothered trying to paint properly,that Darwin told us: “I was considered by all my masters and my father a very ordinary boy,rather below the common standard of intellect”,Emily Dickinson was barely even recognized during her lifetime,that it wasn’t until a hundred years after Melville’s death that anyone really gave a damn about Moby-Dick.They were beset on all sides by mean critics, or the worst critic of all – themselves.Cthulhu’s wig!, I have heard of art classes where the teacher begins the first semester by assuring the students they’ll never break through, and it’s pointless to try;rejection letters writers received, instructing them to put down their pens and never bother at it again;vacuous ,jaded, bollocks that convinces young artists to give up !but may I humbly recommend that if one is informed you will never do anything remarkable with your life,perhaps the most appropriate response isn’t”Yeah, you’re probably right”,but rather,”Fuck off! And who the fuck are you anyway?!”The shit they will tell you –”you’ve had all your good ideas”,”it’s all been done before”,”you’re too old, too young, too dumb”,”there’s nothing new under the sun” –let’s say your lifespan is 80 years, or about 29,200 days.If you’re 18, you’re about 6,500 days through.28 – about 10,000 days through.38 – about 14,220 days through.Regardless of whether one believes in an afterlife or not, these days are not coming back,and there is not enough time to listen to cynics.By the power of Grayskull, look at where we are –historically, technologically, galactically – the whole game!This isn’t normal, is it?Act without expectation.Make cool stuff just because. Give darren complements always.Oh, for fu- Have you been editing the script again?Today, this week, this month, year, decade, and century –it will occasionally be referenced in history, and that will be that.If one is cautious about pursuing an unusual path,it may help to remember that the cynics will be forgotten just as readily as your failures will be, too.There has never been a better time to do a thing.And just by virtue of how weird existing is in the first place,there are a trillion interesting things still undone, unmade, and unsaid.Those areas have not been drilled, .It is a wilderness out there for everyone. It always was.The greats didn’t know they were greats – they were just mortal humans who refused to bow to cynicism.And were we to draw some collective lesson from their lives,

it might sound something like:in your projects,in your silly pursuits,in your unlikely follies,and your expeditions into the abyssto recover those strange mental metals you will fashion into something no one has ever made before.I wish you the very, very best of luck.Now so0d off and be remarkable please.

“Every path is the right path. Everything could’ve been anything else. And it would have just as much meaning”