Recently I’ve been distracted, wasting time instead of being constructive.
I’ve watched too much and spent my hours wishing for the willpower to be more productive and here’s what I’ve realized
There are just too many reasons not to be an artist
I don’t have the money to make what I want to make. I don’t have the time to make what I want to make
I don’t have the talent or the work ethic or the creativity.
I’m inadequate
People won’t see what I’ve made
What if they do see it and they don’t like it?
What if they see it and they like it, but then forget about it straightaway ?
I could make that but it’s too boring, too cheesy
Too complex. Too similar to that other thing. Too shallow. Too obvious, too pretentious!
What if I’ve already made the best thing I’ll ever produce?
It’s much easier to just consume what other people have already made, because I’ll never be as good as the greats
it’s much easier to leave my ideas in my head where they’re safe from my mistakes
To be honest, I don’t even know what it is I want to make
There are too many good reasons not to be an artist, so I look at myself and ask this:
Are you going to let any of them stop you?
Are you going to let these thoughts block you? I know my regrets, the time
I should have apologized. The girl I should have spoken to I was so mesmerized
That person who I forgot to say goodbye
That day I should have stood up, but instead stayed quiet
Each of those times I heard the reasons and agreed. You can’t do it
And now of course I wish that I’d gone through with it
One day, I hope to ignore my insecurities set aside my doubts of fine art
Have the backbone to push through all of those reasons why not.
But most of all one day, I’d like to be as carefree as a child painting a page with delight
Because kids don’t worry themselves with the reasons why not, they throw paint out the page just to see what the colors do
Because, why not?
ephemeralchemex 